Written by: Lily Rudd, Intern
“It is our job to be pliable and mall
eable” -Dr. Christopher Deussing.
In an intern team meeting, senior intern Nicco Monserrate introduced the following inquiries: as therapists, how do we navigate being true to ourselves? Are our true selves affected by clients?
The aforementioned quote was a key piece of Dr. Deussing’s response. A therapist’s responsibility is, in essence, to adapt to the personality of the client. Is this client religious, apolitical, talkative, hesitant? Every trait must be learned and the therapist’s behaviors adjusted accordingly. If therapists are constantly reshaping their identities, how do they not lose sight of who they really are, of their true selves? I believe this is because the journey a therapist must take is the journey we all must take to find our true selves.
Spiritualist Thomas Merton spoke a lot about the true self vs. the false self (Haynes, 2016). While the true self is other-focused and enlightened, the false self is egocentric and illusory (Haynes, 2016). All therapists in training possess the utmost obligation to work on becoming other-focused and enlightened – they must learn all they can, not only about the field of psychology but also about themselves. Then, they must be able to apply this knowledge to their clients!
Furthermore, the false self creates barriers that must be eliminated before the true self can be experienced; exploring one’s psychological defenses is one great way of attaining a better understanding of one’s false self (Haynes, 2016). Therapists are taught that they must constantly examine themselves, including their defenses; this is in order to diminish the likelihood of countertransference. Therefore, therapists inherently work towards understanding their true selves – it is part of the job!
Lastly, according to Merton, the essence of a mature identity includes being open to and accepting of all kinds of individuals (Haynes, 2016). It is a privilege that, as therapists, we are forced to be open-minded – since we are asking clients to open their minds to us, it is only fair that we make a constant effort to understand all of their viewpoints, even if some – or all – differ greatly from ours.
Psychologist Fritz Kunkel referred to his approach to identity as ‘We-Psychology’ – this is meant to highlight relatedness with both other people and the Divine (Haynes, 2016). Kunkel believes that all relationships with other people are born out of the Ground of Relatedness: the experience of relating to others requires both the juxtaposition of one person’s ego with another person’s ego, and the comprehension that every ‘small We’ comprises the ‘big We” (Haynes, 2016).
The relationship that the therapist shares with the client is a perfect embodiment of the ‘small We’ – the therapist is not an unmoving entity, but rather a living and breathing human with a unique ego that is trying to understand another ego. Kunkel felt that ‘We-ness,’ this experience of basic human connection that is exemplified in a therapeutic alliance, is the main source of healing and reconciliation for humanity (Haynes, 2016). People who live as their true selves are not afraid to make things about ‘we’ and not about ‘I.’
Ultimately, being “pliable and malleable” is being one’s true self – to be unchanging is to be cut off from human connection. I believe that as therapists, we are naturally being true to ourselves. Also, the way that we choose to adapt to clients is inherently who we are – no two therapists would adapt in the same way because no two therapists are the same person! And yes of course our true selves are affected by our clients – ultimately, whether due to similarities we share with them or differences we possess, clients remind us who we are.
References:
Haynes, C. (2016). Identity, transcendence and the true self: Insights from psychology & contemplative spirituality. 𝘏𝘛𝘚 𝘛𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴 / 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴, 72(4), a3455. http://dx.doi.org/10.4102/hts.v72i4.3455